I'm in such an awkward place in my life. I guess nothing is really "wrong" with me, I'm just a little conflicted. lol. whatever that means. I've been very distant from church and stuff for the past month. Not for any particular reason, but I just havent been around i guess. I honestly can't even remember the last time I went to church. That doesn't mean I still don't communicate with Dad, it's just that I guess I wanted to get away from people or something. The idea of "church" and what it's supposed to mean...seems like an idea so lost by a lot of people. I know, I know...you might say "well erika, then do something about it." but I say no thanks. not now. I can't even figure out my own life, how could I possibly make a difference. lol
I love God with all of my heart, soul and every part of my being. He definitely deserves to be praised forever! I started realizing something lately--who I am doesn't and wont ever change who HE is. I know that should be an obvious reality, but i guess I was a little slow on that one. Even though I might never achieve "perfection," He is still perfect, and that perfection of Himself lives right inside of me. I need to stop being so hard on myself and thinking that I need to live up to all these standards and labels and expectations. I want to live in union with the Almighty. I want to reach a place where I stop doubting myself and the people around me. Life is what it is.
On a last note: For anyone who knows what's been up with me lately...I'm trying really hard to stop all the crap. I promise. I guess I'm not doing an awesome job at it, but my heart is willing. I thank God that my heart is willing, and that He sees that in me. It's just hard. The people are great people, but I'm just having a hard time saying no. I hope all this stops soon. I'm being stubborn and can't make up my mind. Thank God for His mercy. He is good indeed!
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