I made manacotti bake last night for the first time ever in my life. It was part of the weekly dinner night we're having now. If I may say so myself, it was freakin amazing. Of all the italian foods I've learned to cook, it was by far the best yet! :) We even had red caberet wine to compliment the meal. lol
Dinner conversations are always interesting. The discussion for the night was life. Those are always fun, but they can also be a little overwhelming. From the four of us (Liza, Sydney, Nate, and I), not one person has things figured out. It's kinda funny, but I guess that's "emerging adulthood" for ya.
- Where do you want to live?
- What's a good age to get married?
- Would you have a prenup?
- What happens if you get divorced (I made a point to say at that point that this is NOT happening for me. lol. If you marry me dude, you're stuck. I'm sorry :) ]
- What's a good income to make to live well/pleasantly?
- Do you want to travel?
- What's a good age to have kids?
Yea...pretty deep stuff. lol. But nonetheless, interesting to hear what each person had to say.
I think I realized last night that being single/childless is pretty awesome. I'm gonna start my teaching job in like 4 months (ahhhh!!) and will be making around 44-46,000/year starting off. That's pretty awesome considering I'm unwed, childless and freeeeee!! lol. I always said (plz don't laugh) that I wanted to get married by the age of 23. Well, I'm turning 23 in 2.5 months. LOL. I mean, technically I still have like 1.2 years until I'm officially 24. Anything could happen at this point...seriously. The only thing I want to wait longer for is kids. Not that kids mess things up, but it's hardcore obligation. Not to mention they are expensive as heck! lol ---I want to travel soooooo bad. Still planning my trip to Europe next summer. Would be cool to have someone to join me though.
Nathaneal suprised us all last night. Said he's done with the whole "not giving a shit" attitude he's had since he's been back from the military. Supposedly he had a great conversation with the sister on his way back from Austin this weekend. I knew she was a smart girl, despite what people may think of her. =/ I for one am so glad. That attitude is part of what got us in trouble. lol. No elaboration needed. He said he wants to care now, said he needs to start taking things more seriously. He realized that having a serious relationship and getting married isn't possible if he's stuck in his so called "coping" mode. It sucks that he feels he has to box things up in order to cope. I told him it only makes things worse. hmmm...hopefully he sees the bigger picture soon.
I on the other hand have been making some really spiffy decisions. I want to shapen up and snap out of this phase I'm in. I never wanted to be here...it just kinda happened I guess. Despite what anyone thinks, that is the truth. It's just hard sometimes I guess. I've never been and will never be perfect. I guess trying to be that can getting overwhelming sometimes. But I don't need to be perfect. God sees my heart and my desires for him (even if my actions fail to prove that sometimes), and He works with it. I know one day I'll be so much further than all this. It just takes faith. Faith to believe that my life is in His hands.
At this point, it looks like we're all on the same page. God please help us. :)
4 comments:
If you wait for your group to change so you can change too, then who knows when they will all change and therefore when you will change.
It shouldn't matter if you all are on the same page, you should change because you want to change. Don't expect the support from them, and if you do get it then great!
You may not know how you got to where you are but to change you need to motivate yourself and get yourself out of those situations that you have placed yourself in. Yes, I said, you placed yourself in these situations and if you really want to change you'll take yourself out. And if you don't, well, you'll stay exactly where you are.
adriana is so wise! i couldn't have said it better myself :)
I don't think anywhere in my blog did I say I was waiting for them to change. I get your point, but I don't totally agree. And I do remember you saying "Maybe if I see the people around me shaping up, I'd consider it an option again." Then let us both not rely on anyone changing to make us change, right?
I'm happy to see that parts of each one of them want to change. That doesn't mean I'm relying on their efforts to help me. I have not spoken to anyone about the things I want to do differently within/about myself. I've been keeping it to myself...even from them. Just so you know.
I don't blame anyone but myself for the place I've gotten myself. I did put myself in all situations I was in, that I agree with. And you're right, it does take efforts on my part. That doesn't mean that I can't still love the people I'm around; that I can't still hope for them to change on their own. I'd hope everyone believed enough in each other (or rather God) to know that anything is possible. Everyone does deserve new chances. Even when people prove to be less than perfect, we shouldn't judge them. That is, if we really love them as friends. I understand that other situations can be different.
I've had so many people give up on me throughout my life. And I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna do that in this situation to them. I'm reminded of the ones, especially God, who have never left my side regardless of what I got myself into. It's the most amazing part of mercy and grace.
To clear things up, I haven't referred to myself as a Christian in ages. I've been very confused on whether God actually exists or not. And yes I said "Maybe if I see the people around me shaping up, I'd consider it an option again." I'm not relying on people to change to change myself. I've pretty much made up my mind on this matter, that God does not exist. Though I've only been a Christian a few years, I see the same cycles. People bitch bitch bitch about their sin and what not and how they fall away from God but in the end, they will always do what they want to do.
I said maybe I'd consider Christianity an option again if people around me did make the right decisions in the end showing that God actually exists through their actions (you know because of the love and fear for God) , but at this point I don't even really give a shit anymore. You can be angry with what I say Erika, and that's ok. What I'm saying is offensive.
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