It came & went

I have a point to this blog, but first i want to mention something funny that happened to me a bit ago:
So I'm at my cousin's house..have been since tuesday, and my uncle called me to tell me that someone was going to be cutting the yard so not to get scared. Then he called to tell me that he forgot to lock the back door, so he wanted me to go check it. Then he said...& can you please take out the jug of water in the fridge & a glass for the man. I was like..sure.
I walked out and put it on the table outside, and when the man turned the corner, I told him it was there. Ok...so I didn't really say it like that. I did something that I never thought I would do in my life. You see, this man looked pretty mexican. So, at first I said 'hello' but then something in my mind triggered the "he's mexican erika, talk to him in spanish" switch in my brain. I don't think that switch has always been there to be honest. I think moving to brownsville did it to me. haha. So anyways, I did it. I was prejudice. I spoke to him in spanish telling him the water was there for him to drink. But that's not the worst part...after that. He said "ok, thanks"
haha. I felt like a retard. I hope I didn't make him feel weird. I forget that I'm in harlingen & that no one here speaks spanish. haha. It reminds me of all the times that people did that to me when I first moved to brownsville. lol

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anyways....to the point of today's entry:

6 months ago exactly, on May 7th, I made a vow. I told God that I wasn't going to date or talk to any guys for 6 months. I don't know what I thought exactly was going to come out of this, but I did it nonetheless bc my heart wanted to. You see, this was really big for ME. I can't remember the last time I went through life not 'having someone there.' & six months?! what was I thinking...I'm 22 years old.! haha. silly erika. You think such idiotic things.

So...I went into this thinking that it was going to give me a chance to be alone with God. I don't know how I didn't think or suspect that He'd be up to something with this. haha. He's so funny. Well, He was up to something alright. It's over now, this vow of mine, and for the last 2 weeks I thought I was going crazy or something. I couldn't figure out why ev.time someone mentioned relationships, I freaked out. I was like...no not me. To be honest, I even forgot for a little while that I was on this vow. haha. Wow...erika actually failed to realize that she was alone w/no one there...and was ok with it? yup. I was. I even remember telling people the last few months that being single was so awesome. Who would've ever guessed. haha
So....God totally wrecked me inside out during these 6 months. I can truly say that I am someone new. I don't feel about myself the old things I used to....which ultimately never allowed any relationship to grow. They were like blocks in my life. God would not allow me to have a healthy relationship bc I WASN'T ready for one. Now I find myself more confident than ever before. I'm not scared anymore to let things happen. I'm not scared to let someone other than God love me. I'm just not scared. I guess that song by Jason Upton proves it's words true "In your presence, all fear is gone." That's what I did...I stayed near to God...stayed in ONLY His presence, and all my fears disappeared. He is soooooooo good!

Well, long story short....He told me that I'm ready. ahhhhhhhhhh!! I didn't even think that was the point of going into this vow. I thought I'd just...become more intimate with Him. But that's God for you, always suprising us with better interests for us than we have for ourselves. I love Him so much! He's the best dad a girl could ask for :)