Confusion fusion.

This past week has been so long & hard & stressful.
I spent exactly one week at my cousin's house. I needed the air from being at my house.
Things are always so chaotic there. Everyone's always fighting. Everyone's always mad. It's just not the best place to be. My sister told me last week that she never wanted to speak w/me again. She said I wasn't her sister anymore. My mom likes to hug me whenever she finds the alcohol in her drink kicking in. My stepdad reeks of alcohol 24/7. & I'm....well, I'm just there in the middle of it all.
I'm confused about a lot of things I feel. My dad called me last week and yelled at me like I was 5. I'm so tired of this crap...or maybe just his crap. He talks to me like he has some say in my life...which he doesn't. I'm 22 years old and grew up most of my life w/out him. It angers me to think that he acts like I owe him something. He's my father by no choice of my own, so I'm going to respect him for giving me life. BUT....that's it. I don't want a relationship with him. After He called, I was so upset that I started crying at the store I was at. I hate how he can manipulate my emotions so easily. So I've been comtemplating on a decion....I want to erase him from my life. I haven't answered any of his phone calls since then...& there's been like 30. No joke. He leaves voicemails everytime, but I just erase them w/out listening. God is enough of a father & mother to me. I don't think I need him in my life bc I've come this far w/out him. But part of me feels like that is just mean. I'm here caring about what he feels, when he never did that for me. *sigh*...idk.

I realize that I have many emotions of my own, and frankly, I can't handle everyone else's as well. I want things to be somewhat back to how they were. I'm so confused by people, I'm starting to not even care to try anymore. It's annoying & hurtful. I'm sorry that you have issues, but so do I. If things never go back to normal...well then...I guess they don't. I just want to live life w/no regrets and live it to it's full potential. I don't need to be worrying about who wants to be in my life and who doesn't. I could care less bc in all honesty, maybe you don't deserve me there to begin with. I don't know how to say I'm sorry enough or to fix what maybe I've broken. I'm human & there's only so much I can do. I'm asking God to help me everyday.

Even though my emotions have been on the weak side lately, I still feel God comfort me everytime I lay down to sleep at night. He lets me know that everything will be ok. I love how He's so giving of Himself. I wish I could give more sometimes...but I know He sees my heart's intentions. So yeah.

On the plus side, sylvia's coming home soon!!!!! She's one of the few people that I feel still actually cares about me. I miss her. =/

All in all, God is good. I'm going to fight this fight I was born for & live out my calling. I refuse to let these things be the death of me physically or spiritually. I will come of this alive. In Jesus' name.