Today was FINALLY my lunch date with my old bestfriend. Man do i love her. We went to eat, but ended staying at the place over 3 hours. haha. It was crazy. I think the people wanted us to get out already. Anyways...we had a great talk. We caught up, 1.5 years worth of catching up.
She told me about the job that I have waiting for me in Mission. It seems cool...I'm grateful to God for His goodness. I think it's awesome to have the offer w/out even being graduated yet.
Then...we started talking about our old memories. It's so funny how you can hold so many things in your brain. We had memories for every year since 2004. We were a couple of crazy girls back then. I couldn't believe I would do half those things, but I do think it's super funny. She kept reminding me of all the things I did, and I did the same for her. A couple of weeks ago I went out with my cousins, and one of them told me that she thought it was so cool that I have experienced a lot in life. At first I was like...hmmm...I'm not sure I follow, but then she explained. She said that she admired how I've traveled and had roommates and just lived my life. I guess I never thought of it like that. I thought everyone had the same opportunities as me. But then I realized that's not true. & that's what I brought up to tanya today. Although we've been some crazy kids, I can eventually end my life knowing that I lived a good one. I've done things and gone places that not a lot of people can say the same thing for. And the best part of it all is that I still have many years to finish this whole life thing. I'm still young, despite the many comments I make about being old, and I want to just live my life to the fullest.
Moving to McAllen sounds exciting. Tanya is great & it'll be great to be closer to her again. She's that person that can make 1.5 years of not seeing ea. other seem like a day. I love it.
At the end of our conversation, we talked about the infamous Med School thing again. I was always so passionate about it, but I guess the rocks in life have slowly drained that from me over the past couple of years. I realized that I still have the desire deep down inside, and I think I'm gonna let it rise. I want to be successful. Not that teaching or any other bacchelor's degree isn't successful, but it's just not MY type of successful. For me personally...it's not for me. SO, we decided to take our MCAT again in 9 months, and we're going to apply to med school next year. I'm so excited! I know I can do this...I believe in myself & I'm not letting anything/one get in my way this time around. I WILL be a doctor. If not, I can at least say it went down with me giving it all I had. I know I have more to give. I really do. :)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
So long, Farewell.
Hmm. I have this feeling that my blogger personality is slowly disappearing. It seems like eventually this blog will cease to exist. I guess it doesn't matter tho. I find that soon there will be no urge to blog. I don't really care so much anymore to write. Idk...it's weird. So..I thought I'd write about how I don't want to write :)
Life is spinning fast it seems. I'm trying to slow it down and just take a good look at it, but it's a bit hard. I like where things are headed, but it's just all happening so fast. I want to look back...so bad, but I'm choosing to keep my gaze ahead. If I believe things are great...then things are great. haha. I find myself being my own psychologist from time to time. I guess that's how ppl cope. When good things are so close that you can almost smell them, you want nothing less than to keep holding on. God please hold on to me as I hold on to you (the best I can).
ok. farewell, goodbye.
& as my horrible govt. teacher says..."GOOD LUCK!!!" :)
Life is spinning fast it seems. I'm trying to slow it down and just take a good look at it, but it's a bit hard. I like where things are headed, but it's just all happening so fast. I want to look back...so bad, but I'm choosing to keep my gaze ahead. If I believe things are great...then things are great. haha. I find myself being my own psychologist from time to time. I guess that's how ppl cope. When good things are so close that you can almost smell them, you want nothing less than to keep holding on. God please hold on to me as I hold on to you (the best I can).
ok. farewell, goodbye.
& as my horrible govt. teacher says..."GOOD LUCK!!!" :)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Je ne vous pas travailler
Hellooooo.
I'm cold...as usual & extra tired today. I fell asleep at like 9 something last night...so I thought I'd be well rested, but I guess that didn't go in my favor. =/
I started my new job on monday. I love it. I think my favorite part of it is my co-workers. They are so much fun! haha. Except the first day was a little weird...since i was the "new girl." One of the guys, Robby, told me that I needed to sweep and mop the floors when I got there. Haha. what a meanie. I ended up working with a couple of them in summer, so my previous association with them qualified me to be "cool." haha. They ended up hiring like 4 new people, but I was the first to start working. I'm kind of glad bc I'm used to doing some of the stuff already & everyone else is all confused. =D
I FINALLY got to talk to my friend tanya this past week. She was my very first real bestfriend. We went to high school together & became the best of friends. She was the one that taught me a lot of things I know...some of them not so good. haha. But I love her so much. Even though we don't see or talk often, everytime we do seems like we started just where we left off. We have a date next weekend..so I'm so stoked! On top of that, she talked to her boss at the school she works at, and I pretty much have a job offer at Mission High School for the fall. How awesome is that?! &&& the pay is $46,000/year! Yay me! I think I'm going to take it. So...moving back to brownsville is looking to be temporary now. I'm grateful that God opens so many doors. & also glad He closes others. Leaving the old things behind sounds better every day. I feel like I can finally start moving foward. I knew I'd do it eventually, but now the idea is turning into action. I'm excited to meet new people & just finally be stable financially.
This is a great week. :)
I'm cold...as usual & extra tired today. I fell asleep at like 9 something last night...so I thought I'd be well rested, but I guess that didn't go in my favor. =/
I started my new job on monday. I love it. I think my favorite part of it is my co-workers. They are so much fun! haha. Except the first day was a little weird...since i was the "new girl." One of the guys, Robby, told me that I needed to sweep and mop the floors when I got there. Haha. what a meanie. I ended up working with a couple of them in summer, so my previous association with them qualified me to be "cool." haha. They ended up hiring like 4 new people, but I was the first to start working. I'm kind of glad bc I'm used to doing some of the stuff already & everyone else is all confused. =D
I FINALLY got to talk to my friend tanya this past week. She was my very first real bestfriend. We went to high school together & became the best of friends. She was the one that taught me a lot of things I know...some of them not so good. haha. But I love her so much. Even though we don't see or talk often, everytime we do seems like we started just where we left off. We have a date next weekend..so I'm so stoked! On top of that, she talked to her boss at the school she works at, and I pretty much have a job offer at Mission High School for the fall. How awesome is that?! &&& the pay is $46,000/year! Yay me! I think I'm going to take it. So...moving back to brownsville is looking to be temporary now. I'm grateful that God opens so many doors. & also glad He closes others. Leaving the old things behind sounds better every day. I feel like I can finally start moving foward. I knew I'd do it eventually, but now the idea is turning into action. I'm excited to meet new people & just finally be stable financially.
This is a great week. :)
Friday, November 14, 2008
No comment.
I titled this blog "no comment" bc in the real world today, i made no comment on a situation, but that doesn't mean that i can't have one in blogger world. :)
Well, I found out today that my (just turned) 19 year old sister is 2.5 months pregnant. She came home today after being gone for over a week bc she had just come from her doctors appointment. I've noticed that she put on weight recently, but i guess i wan't to give her the benifit of the doubt. I failed.
This is her 4th pregancy or so. Might be more that I'm unaware of, but she has always had miscarriages. I guess this one looks like it's staying. You see, if you knew my sister, you'd know that she is lost in her own little world. She knows everything...so please don't tell her what to do. She's 19!! gosh...didn't you know that 19 year olds know everything?! haha. i kid. i kid.
If you remember from a previous blog, she isn't speaking to me. So, I didn't find out from her...my mom told me after she left the house. I feel like I have mixed emotions about it. Or...more like no emotions. The only thing I kept doing was laughing. Idk why, but i just think it's so funny.
A couple of months ago she told me that I was falling behind. That her and my brother will be married before me. That she wants to be a "trophy wife" & blah blah blah. I told her "You might be married with kids, but I'm the only one with an education and a REAL job. Love will come when it's time. I need my life in order"
Silly sister erika. Don't you know that being on medicaid, foodstamps, unemployment, no degree whatsoever, being pregnant is how real americans do it these days. Haha. I'm sorry but this will not be my life. I have more to live for, more to look foward to & so on.
I feel sad that she's so naive. It's sad to see that she's following the footsteps of my mother and father (minus the drugs). It's like she's repeating my mom's whole story again. poor sister. She's in my prayers...even if she hates me.
The WEIRDEST part of all this is as follows:
Back in march I had a dream that I was pregant. A day later I found out that my friend was pregant. I was kinda shocked bc it seemed too much of a coincidence. Well, 2-3 weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregant again!! & lo & behold, my sister is pregnant. The weird part is that I told my sister about the dream the last time and the new one and told her how someone i knew ended being pregnant. She laughed & said "so do you think someone you know is going to be pregant?" haha. Yes little sister...i guess it was true =/
Goodnite lovelies :)
Well, I found out today that my (just turned) 19 year old sister is 2.5 months pregnant. She came home today after being gone for over a week bc she had just come from her doctors appointment. I've noticed that she put on weight recently, but i guess i wan't to give her the benifit of the doubt. I failed.
This is her 4th pregancy or so. Might be more that I'm unaware of, but she has always had miscarriages. I guess this one looks like it's staying. You see, if you knew my sister, you'd know that she is lost in her own little world. She knows everything...so please don't tell her what to do. She's 19!! gosh...didn't you know that 19 year olds know everything?! haha. i kid. i kid.
If you remember from a previous blog, she isn't speaking to me. So, I didn't find out from her...my mom told me after she left the house. I feel like I have mixed emotions about it. Or...more like no emotions. The only thing I kept doing was laughing. Idk why, but i just think it's so funny.
A couple of months ago she told me that I was falling behind. That her and my brother will be married before me. That she wants to be a "trophy wife" & blah blah blah. I told her "You might be married with kids, but I'm the only one with an education and a REAL job. Love will come when it's time. I need my life in order"
Silly sister erika. Don't you know that being on medicaid, foodstamps, unemployment, no degree whatsoever, being pregnant is how real americans do it these days. Haha. I'm sorry but this will not be my life. I have more to live for, more to look foward to & so on.
I feel sad that she's so naive. It's sad to see that she's following the footsteps of my mother and father (minus the drugs). It's like she's repeating my mom's whole story again. poor sister. She's in my prayers...even if she hates me.
The WEIRDEST part of all this is as follows:
Back in march I had a dream that I was pregant. A day later I found out that my friend was pregant. I was kinda shocked bc it seemed too much of a coincidence. Well, 2-3 weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregant again!! & lo & behold, my sister is pregnant. The weird part is that I told my sister about the dream the last time and the new one and told her how someone i knew ended being pregnant. She laughed & said "so do you think someone you know is going to be pregant?" haha. Yes little sister...i guess it was true =/
Goodnite lovelies :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Rain Rain Go Away
I have class in 30 minutes, and it's pouring outside =/ I have no umbrella today. Please stop raining. PLEASEEEEEEEE.
I'm in tandy & my class is in north. I was here bc my new boss wanted to meet with me since I start work on monday. Goodness, I'm so stoked! The only thing i've been worried about is the fact that I don't speak much spanish. I can usually get by, but I'll be working on campus for a while until they transfer me to the schools. Spanish is a must here, so I'm a bit scared. I want to practice my spanish, but I need some help. Anyone want to be my tutor? haha
So the news is that I'm most likely moving back to brownsville very very soon. Hopefully sooner than I thought, but if later, I'll be patient. I was listening to the prophecies spoken over me at IHOP a couple of months ago last night, and I was crying like a baby again. Butttt....not for the same reasons I was before. You see, everything they spoke to me then...hadn't happened yet, and now I find myself months later....& God is proving most of them to have past already. I'm so in love with God. He told me what I would be expecting when i came back home, and I don't think I took it all that serious. Now I'm here experiencing EVERYTHING He said, and it's almost shocking. It shouldn't be...bc I know He's soooo faithful, but I guess when it's in your face, it's almost hard to believe.
Even though everything feels like it's loaded on top of me, I have this sense that things are cooling down. I feel a peace swooping over me & let me just tell you, it feels great!
Something happened yesterday which might enable me to get a temporary car, and I found myself asking God why he didn't make me aware that this option was there earlier. He basically put me in my place and said..."Bc you had no idea what I was doing. Do you see now? Do you get it now?" So then I felt kinda silly about questioning Him. But then I got so overwhelmed (in a good way) bc I was like "wow God, you are so amazing. I'm like a clueless goof over here, and You're like...amazing God up there." haha. My conversations with Father are always interesting. He likes them though....it's our little moments. :) I've decided to wait. He told me in Kansas City to wait wait wait on Him. I guess I got a bit impatient & even forgot that He told me that.
Down note: I lost my cigarettes & lighter the other night when we were at starbuckers in harlingen. grrrr to me. I have another pack...but stilll. boooo. It was a nice red lighter that I bought in KC. =/
Also, I love adriana. She's uber cool. :)
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In 9 months I should be starting my teaching job. Wowzer Ca-bowzer! I'm excited for that toooo. Things will definitely be so much calmer when I get to that point. In a sense, of course. I'm going to find a super nice apartment & live with my dog porkchop. haha. It'll be great. :)
Good day friend, good day :)
I'm in tandy & my class is in north. I was here bc my new boss wanted to meet with me since I start work on monday. Goodness, I'm so stoked! The only thing i've been worried about is the fact that I don't speak much spanish. I can usually get by, but I'll be working on campus for a while until they transfer me to the schools. Spanish is a must here, so I'm a bit scared. I want to practice my spanish, but I need some help. Anyone want to be my tutor? haha
So the news is that I'm most likely moving back to brownsville very very soon. Hopefully sooner than I thought, but if later, I'll be patient. I was listening to the prophecies spoken over me at IHOP a couple of months ago last night, and I was crying like a baby again. Butttt....not for the same reasons I was before. You see, everything they spoke to me then...hadn't happened yet, and now I find myself months later....& God is proving most of them to have past already. I'm so in love with God. He told me what I would be expecting when i came back home, and I don't think I took it all that serious. Now I'm here experiencing EVERYTHING He said, and it's almost shocking. It shouldn't be...bc I know He's soooo faithful, but I guess when it's in your face, it's almost hard to believe.
Even though everything feels like it's loaded on top of me, I have this sense that things are cooling down. I feel a peace swooping over me & let me just tell you, it feels great!
Something happened yesterday which might enable me to get a temporary car, and I found myself asking God why he didn't make me aware that this option was there earlier. He basically put me in my place and said..."Bc you had no idea what I was doing. Do you see now? Do you get it now?" So then I felt kinda silly about questioning Him. But then I got so overwhelmed (in a good way) bc I was like "wow God, you are so amazing. I'm like a clueless goof over here, and You're like...amazing God up there." haha. My conversations with Father are always interesting. He likes them though....it's our little moments. :) I've decided to wait. He told me in Kansas City to wait wait wait on Him. I guess I got a bit impatient & even forgot that He told me that.
Down note: I lost my cigarettes & lighter the other night when we were at starbuckers in harlingen. grrrr to me. I have another pack...but stilll. boooo. It was a nice red lighter that I bought in KC. =/
Also, I love adriana. She's uber cool. :)
------------------------------------------------
In 9 months I should be starting my teaching job. Wowzer Ca-bowzer! I'm excited for that toooo. Things will definitely be so much calmer when I get to that point. In a sense, of course. I'm going to find a super nice apartment & live with my dog porkchop. haha. It'll be great. :)
Good day friend, good day :)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Confusion fusion.
This past week has been so long & hard & stressful.
I spent exactly one week at my cousin's house. I needed the air from being at my house.
Things are always so chaotic there. Everyone's always fighting. Everyone's always mad. It's just not the best place to be. My sister told me last week that she never wanted to speak w/me again. She said I wasn't her sister anymore. My mom likes to hug me whenever she finds the alcohol in her drink kicking in. My stepdad reeks of alcohol 24/7. & I'm....well, I'm just there in the middle of it all.
I'm confused about a lot of things I feel. My dad called me last week and yelled at me like I was 5. I'm so tired of this crap...or maybe just his crap. He talks to me like he has some say in my life...which he doesn't. I'm 22 years old and grew up most of my life w/out him. It angers me to think that he acts like I owe him something. He's my father by no choice of my own, so I'm going to respect him for giving me life. BUT....that's it. I don't want a relationship with him. After He called, I was so upset that I started crying at the store I was at. I hate how he can manipulate my emotions so easily. So I've been comtemplating on a decion....I want to erase him from my life. I haven't answered any of his phone calls since then...& there's been like 30. No joke. He leaves voicemails everytime, but I just erase them w/out listening. God is enough of a father & mother to me. I don't think I need him in my life bc I've come this far w/out him. But part of me feels like that is just mean. I'm here caring about what he feels, when he never did that for me. *sigh*...idk.
I realize that I have many emotions of my own, and frankly, I can't handle everyone else's as well. I want things to be somewhat back to how they were. I'm so confused by people, I'm starting to not even care to try anymore. It's annoying & hurtful. I'm sorry that you have issues, but so do I. If things never go back to normal...well then...I guess they don't. I just want to live life w/no regrets and live it to it's full potential. I don't need to be worrying about who wants to be in my life and who doesn't. I could care less bc in all honesty, maybe you don't deserve me there to begin with. I don't know how to say I'm sorry enough or to fix what maybe I've broken. I'm human & there's only so much I can do. I'm asking God to help me everyday.
Even though my emotions have been on the weak side lately, I still feel God comfort me everytime I lay down to sleep at night. He lets me know that everything will be ok. I love how He's so giving of Himself. I wish I could give more sometimes...but I know He sees my heart's intentions. So yeah.
On the plus side, sylvia's coming home soon!!!!! She's one of the few people that I feel still actually cares about me. I miss her. =/
All in all, God is good. I'm going to fight this fight I was born for & live out my calling. I refuse to let these things be the death of me physically or spiritually. I will come of this alive. In Jesus' name.
I spent exactly one week at my cousin's house. I needed the air from being at my house.
Things are always so chaotic there. Everyone's always fighting. Everyone's always mad. It's just not the best place to be. My sister told me last week that she never wanted to speak w/me again. She said I wasn't her sister anymore. My mom likes to hug me whenever she finds the alcohol in her drink kicking in. My stepdad reeks of alcohol 24/7. & I'm....well, I'm just there in the middle of it all.
I'm confused about a lot of things I feel. My dad called me last week and yelled at me like I was 5. I'm so tired of this crap...or maybe just his crap. He talks to me like he has some say in my life...which he doesn't. I'm 22 years old and grew up most of my life w/out him. It angers me to think that he acts like I owe him something. He's my father by no choice of my own, so I'm going to respect him for giving me life. BUT....that's it. I don't want a relationship with him. After He called, I was so upset that I started crying at the store I was at. I hate how he can manipulate my emotions so easily. So I've been comtemplating on a decion....I want to erase him from my life. I haven't answered any of his phone calls since then...& there's been like 30. No joke. He leaves voicemails everytime, but I just erase them w/out listening. God is enough of a father & mother to me. I don't think I need him in my life bc I've come this far w/out him. But part of me feels like that is just mean. I'm here caring about what he feels, when he never did that for me. *sigh*...idk.
I realize that I have many emotions of my own, and frankly, I can't handle everyone else's as well. I want things to be somewhat back to how they were. I'm so confused by people, I'm starting to not even care to try anymore. It's annoying & hurtful. I'm sorry that you have issues, but so do I. If things never go back to normal...well then...I guess they don't. I just want to live life w/no regrets and live it to it's full potential. I don't need to be worrying about who wants to be in my life and who doesn't. I could care less bc in all honesty, maybe you don't deserve me there to begin with. I don't know how to say I'm sorry enough or to fix what maybe I've broken. I'm human & there's only so much I can do. I'm asking God to help me everyday.
Even though my emotions have been on the weak side lately, I still feel God comfort me everytime I lay down to sleep at night. He lets me know that everything will be ok. I love how He's so giving of Himself. I wish I could give more sometimes...but I know He sees my heart's intentions. So yeah.
On the plus side, sylvia's coming home soon!!!!! She's one of the few people that I feel still actually cares about me. I miss her. =/
All in all, God is good. I'm going to fight this fight I was born for & live out my calling. I refuse to let these things be the death of me physically or spiritually. I will come of this alive. In Jesus' name.
Friday, November 7, 2008
It came & went
I have a point to this blog, but first i want to mention something funny that happened to me a bit ago:
So I'm at my cousin's house..have been since tuesday, and my uncle called me to tell me that someone was going to be cutting the yard so not to get scared. Then he called to tell me that he forgot to lock the back door, so he wanted me to go check it. Then he said...& can you please take out the jug of water in the fridge & a glass for the man. I was like..sure.
I walked out and put it on the table outside, and when the man turned the corner, I told him it was there. Ok...so I didn't really say it like that. I did something that I never thought I would do in my life. You see, this man looked pretty mexican. So, at first I said 'hello' but then something in my mind triggered the "he's mexican erika, talk to him in spanish" switch in my brain. I don't think that switch has always been there to be honest. I think moving to brownsville did it to me. haha. So anyways, I did it. I was prejudice. I spoke to him in spanish telling him the water was there for him to drink. But that's not the worst part...after that. He said "ok, thanks"
haha. I felt like a retard. I hope I didn't make him feel weird. I forget that I'm in harlingen & that no one here speaks spanish. haha. It reminds me of all the times that people did that to me when I first moved to brownsville. lol
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anyways....to the point of today's entry:
6 months ago exactly, on May 7th, I made a vow. I told God that I wasn't going to date or talk to any guys for 6 months. I don't know what I thought exactly was going to come out of this, but I did it nonetheless bc my heart wanted to. You see, this was really big for ME. I can't remember the last time I went through life not 'having someone there.' & six months?! what was I thinking...I'm 22 years old.! haha. silly erika. You think such idiotic things.
So...I went into this thinking that it was going to give me a chance to be alone with God. I don't know how I didn't think or suspect that He'd be up to something with this. haha. He's so funny. Well, He was up to something alright. It's over now, this vow of mine, and for the last 2 weeks I thought I was going crazy or something. I couldn't figure out why ev.time someone mentioned relationships, I freaked out. I was like...no not me. To be honest, I even forgot for a little while that I was on this vow. haha. Wow...erika actually failed to realize that she was alone w/no one there...and was ok with it? yup. I was. I even remember telling people the last few months that being single was so awesome. Who would've ever guessed. haha
So....God totally wrecked me inside out during these 6 months. I can truly say that I am someone new. I don't feel about myself the old things I used to....which ultimately never allowed any relationship to grow. They were like blocks in my life. God would not allow me to have a healthy relationship bc I WASN'T ready for one. Now I find myself more confident than ever before. I'm not scared anymore to let things happen. I'm not scared to let someone other than God love me. I'm just not scared. I guess that song by Jason Upton proves it's words true "In your presence, all fear is gone." That's what I did...I stayed near to God...stayed in ONLY His presence, and all my fears disappeared. He is soooooooo good!
Well, long story short....He told me that I'm ready. ahhhhhhhhhh!! I didn't even think that was the point of going into this vow. I thought I'd just...become more intimate with Him. But that's God for you, always suprising us with better interests for us than we have for ourselves. I love Him so much! He's the best dad a girl could ask for :)
So I'm at my cousin's house..have been since tuesday, and my uncle called me to tell me that someone was going to be cutting the yard so not to get scared. Then he called to tell me that he forgot to lock the back door, so he wanted me to go check it. Then he said...& can you please take out the jug of water in the fridge & a glass for the man. I was like..sure.
I walked out and put it on the table outside, and when the man turned the corner, I told him it was there. Ok...so I didn't really say it like that. I did something that I never thought I would do in my life. You see, this man looked pretty mexican. So, at first I said 'hello' but then something in my mind triggered the "he's mexican erika, talk to him in spanish" switch in my brain. I don't think that switch has always been there to be honest. I think moving to brownsville did it to me. haha. So anyways, I did it. I was prejudice. I spoke to him in spanish telling him the water was there for him to drink. But that's not the worst part...after that. He said "ok, thanks"
haha. I felt like a retard. I hope I didn't make him feel weird. I forget that I'm in harlingen & that no one here speaks spanish. haha. It reminds me of all the times that people did that to me when I first moved to brownsville. lol
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anyways....to the point of today's entry:
6 months ago exactly, on May 7th, I made a vow. I told God that I wasn't going to date or talk to any guys for 6 months. I don't know what I thought exactly was going to come out of this, but I did it nonetheless bc my heart wanted to. You see, this was really big for ME. I can't remember the last time I went through life not 'having someone there.' & six months?! what was I thinking...I'm 22 years old.! haha. silly erika. You think such idiotic things.
So...I went into this thinking that it was going to give me a chance to be alone with God. I don't know how I didn't think or suspect that He'd be up to something with this. haha. He's so funny. Well, He was up to something alright. It's over now, this vow of mine, and for the last 2 weeks I thought I was going crazy or something. I couldn't figure out why ev.time someone mentioned relationships, I freaked out. I was like...no not me. To be honest, I even forgot for a little while that I was on this vow. haha. Wow...erika actually failed to realize that she was alone w/no one there...and was ok with it? yup. I was. I even remember telling people the last few months that being single was so awesome. Who would've ever guessed. haha
So....God totally wrecked me inside out during these 6 months. I can truly say that I am someone new. I don't feel about myself the old things I used to....which ultimately never allowed any relationship to grow. They were like blocks in my life. God would not allow me to have a healthy relationship bc I WASN'T ready for one. Now I find myself more confident than ever before. I'm not scared anymore to let things happen. I'm not scared to let someone other than God love me. I'm just not scared. I guess that song by Jason Upton proves it's words true "In your presence, all fear is gone." That's what I did...I stayed near to God...stayed in ONLY His presence, and all my fears disappeared. He is soooooooo good!
Well, long story short....He told me that I'm ready. ahhhhhhhhhh!! I didn't even think that was the point of going into this vow. I thought I'd just...become more intimate with Him. But that's God for you, always suprising us with better interests for us than we have for ourselves. I love Him so much! He's the best dad a girl could ask for :)
& the winner is....
I decided to name my new puppy :
Porkchop.
I think it suits her well, and I think she likes it very much.
I call out her name to her, and she looks up at me and tilts her head. haha.
So ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! :)
Thanks for your help....
@sylvia: I don't know how i didn't come up with those names myself. You clever girl, you!. <33
Porkchop.
I think it suits her well, and I think she likes it very much.
I call out her name to her, and she looks up at me and tilts her head. haha.
So ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! :)
Thanks for your help....
@sylvia: I don't know how i didn't come up with those names myself. You clever girl, you!. <33
Thursday, November 6, 2008
This is my new puppy! She's 6 weeks old. She's half shih tzu and half weiner dog....
I still don't have a name. =/
Some suggestions so far are:
panfillo
panfilla
(after quickly being told it was a girl. haha)
and tortilla.
Please help me!!
btw...the other dog in the background is her sister. She's nameless aswell and likes to cuddle. she belongs to my cousin...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
& I must say....
last night I was up until 4am.
He kept me up.
I almost forgot what it was like to stay on the phone that long/late.
Hmmm...& suprisingly, I was up pretty fast at 6:30, despite my obvious lack of sleep.
"A butterfly is only a butterfly after it stops being a catapillar." haha.
I think we could have come up with a million & one of these stupid/obvious/retarded facts that could one day seemingly change someone's life. haha
----------------------------------------------------
vulnerability. hmmm. been thinking a lot about this, especially after my phone conversation last night.
I don't like feeling vulnerable. Not at all. It kinda scares me, to be honest. But there's just something inside of us that can't help but be vulnerable sometimes. I realized last night that I want to be vulnerable. As much as I say that I don't like it, I find that I am choosing to be just that. I'm allowing myself to be open to every possiblility & part of me is ok with that. Sometimes some of the best things come out of being vulnerable. Like...with God. If I choose to be completely vulnerable with Him, I'm not losing out on anything. It's still scary though, because I'm down here saying..."do with me what you want, Lord." & He does! I came across this saying yesterday..."If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" haha. that's funny.
So I find that the best relationship I've ever had with God....came out of being completely vulnerable to Him.
So........I'm thinking..........if I do that in general with other relationships......would the outcome still be the same? Feel free to voice your opinions...I like hearing them :)
I also realized that being hurt by someone isn't the worst thing on earth. haha. kinda late? yeah, i know. =/ but anyways, seriously, it's not. If I went into something giving it every opportunity just to see if something great could come out of it, I don't think I'd regret getting hurt. I'd rather want to be able to say "at least I tried" than to say "I never tried at all...bc I was scared."
So...I'm open to anything happening this time. I'm not afraid to let myself feel what I really feel anymore. Because afterall, God is in control, and He can do whatever He wants in my life. So I'm gonna try not to be afraid to let my REAL emotions show anymore. I'm not afraid to stand against what everyone says in their "advice" bc it is MY life. I don't want to worry about what everyone else wants for my life...who I should be...who I should date....who I deserve. In my heart, I know what I want.
So...I guess I'm on my way............
He kept me up.
I almost forgot what it was like to stay on the phone that long/late.
Hmmm...& suprisingly, I was up pretty fast at 6:30, despite my obvious lack of sleep.
"A butterfly is only a butterfly after it stops being a catapillar." haha.
I think we could have come up with a million & one of these stupid/obvious/retarded facts that could one day seemingly change someone's life. haha
----------------------------------------------------
vulnerability. hmmm. been thinking a lot about this, especially after my phone conversation last night.
I don't like feeling vulnerable. Not at all. It kinda scares me, to be honest. But there's just something inside of us that can't help but be vulnerable sometimes. I realized last night that I want to be vulnerable. As much as I say that I don't like it, I find that I am choosing to be just that. I'm allowing myself to be open to every possiblility & part of me is ok with that. Sometimes some of the best things come out of being vulnerable. Like...with God. If I choose to be completely vulnerable with Him, I'm not losing out on anything. It's still scary though, because I'm down here saying..."do with me what you want, Lord." & He does! I came across this saying yesterday..."If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" haha. that's funny.
So I find that the best relationship I've ever had with God....came out of being completely vulnerable to Him.
So........I'm thinking..........if I do that in general with other relationships......would the outcome still be the same? Feel free to voice your opinions...I like hearing them :)
I also realized that being hurt by someone isn't the worst thing on earth. haha. kinda late? yeah, i know. =/ but anyways, seriously, it's not. If I went into something giving it every opportunity just to see if something great could come out of it, I don't think I'd regret getting hurt. I'd rather want to be able to say "at least I tried" than to say "I never tried at all...bc I was scared."
So...I'm open to anything happening this time. I'm not afraid to let myself feel what I really feel anymore. Because afterall, God is in control, and He can do whatever He wants in my life. So I'm gonna try not to be afraid to let my REAL emotions show anymore. I'm not afraid to stand against what everyone says in their "advice" bc it is MY life. I don't want to worry about what everyone else wants for my life...who I should be...who I should date....who I deserve. In my heart, I know what I want.
So...I guess I'm on my way............
Monday, November 3, 2008
Counselling session numero uno ;)
goodness.
I've been wanting to blog since last thursday but haven't been able to. grrrr.
I was at the library with about 2 hours to spare, and someone (name omitted) came and started talking to me. I kept saying that I had some stuff to do online but the person never got the hint. I was soooo annoyed. ugh.
So here i am...4 days later....
..........................................................................
Last week I learned how to break up with someone.
It was pretty hilarious to me, but very much informative too. haha.
So..I've decided to share a bit of my knowledge with whom ever would like to hear. :)
It isn't called breaking up either...it's called...moving on with maturity. haha
First of all, you have to use "I" language. To help the person in their greiving process, you have to give them reason on account of YOU. Let them know how YOU need to move out of the relationship and YOU are bascially the problem.
side note: I asked...what if the person cheated on me? I sure as heck wouldn't use I language. It's THEIR fault, and I'd pretty much let them know. My teacher just laughed at me.
Next, You have to give the person space. If we keep ourselves around the person and try to stay "friends," then problems will start. Even if you want to stay friends with them, there must be a certain amount of space between each other. Each person needs to grieve bc if not, we will always go back. Proximity tends to drive relationships. Even if we don't like the person, after a while, you learn to like them. haha. I think that's kinda funny.
We can never truly stay friends with our ex's. We can be civil and talk when we see each other, but the concept of friends has been lost. At least in most cases.
Beware, bc after a while, you will begin feeling lonely. THis lonliness can be mistaken for missing the person. It might not be that you want to be with them, but you have found yourself feeling alone, and that can be an ugly feeling.
I know i've probably missed a bunch of points, but this is all i could remember right now.
So be practical ya'll. & remember...."You can never trust a sperm"
until next time......
I've been wanting to blog since last thursday but haven't been able to. grrrr.
I was at the library with about 2 hours to spare, and someone (name omitted) came and started talking to me. I kept saying that I had some stuff to do online but the person never got the hint. I was soooo annoyed. ugh.
So here i am...4 days later....
..........................................................................
Last week I learned how to break up with someone.
It was pretty hilarious to me, but very much informative too. haha.
So..I've decided to share a bit of my knowledge with whom ever would like to hear. :)
It isn't called breaking up either...it's called...moving on with maturity. haha
First of all, you have to use "I" language. To help the person in their greiving process, you have to give them reason on account of YOU. Let them know how YOU need to move out of the relationship and YOU are bascially the problem.
side note: I asked...what if the person cheated on me? I sure as heck wouldn't use I language. It's THEIR fault, and I'd pretty much let them know. My teacher just laughed at me.
Next, You have to give the person space. If we keep ourselves around the person and try to stay "friends," then problems will start. Even if you want to stay friends with them, there must be a certain amount of space between each other. Each person needs to grieve bc if not, we will always go back. Proximity tends to drive relationships. Even if we don't like the person, after a while, you learn to like them. haha. I think that's kinda funny.
We can never truly stay friends with our ex's. We can be civil and talk when we see each other, but the concept of friends has been lost. At least in most cases.
Beware, bc after a while, you will begin feeling lonely. THis lonliness can be mistaken for missing the person. It might not be that you want to be with them, but you have found yourself feeling alone, and that can be an ugly feeling.
I know i've probably missed a bunch of points, but this is all i could remember right now.
So be practical ya'll. & remember...."You can never trust a sperm"
until next time......
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