Good day gone bad.

(this is a generalized blog, intended for no one person...just an expression of my emotions today)

I hate judgement. If I could yell it from the roof tops....I would!
Lately, I've been wanting to go back to the simple things of life. Back when I first fell in love with God. Back when I knew my heart wanted nothing more than to be with the King! I mean, isn't that what christianity is all about? Loving God, being in union with God. If you're in it for the people, then please recheck yourself. I'm tired of hearing so many people complain about christians (including myself). Is a christian's first focus about the people around us, or is it about God. I never went in to this whole thing because I wanted to make friends and hope that everyone was loyal to me. I went into it with a desire to know more of the Heart that so longed for me. When our motivations die out because we're hurt or we're lonely or confused, then where did that first love focus go? (again, this includes me in every way)

My heart is lovesick. In all transparency...it is. I'm longing to be with my one True Love again. He's been telling me lately that He misses me. I believe that's true with every part of my being. I have these longings inside of me that no one knows. And frankly, I could care less if anyone knew, bc in all reality it doesn't matter if a single soul knows. Only Him. Even if it takes me a decade, He will always be waiting for me. Always helping me to overcome one mountain at a time. That's who He is! He never gives up on a single soul...even when all humanity does. When not a single soul agrees with us, when not a single soul is there to help or understand us. That's who I fell in love with! With the God that gives and gives and gives of Himself daily, yearning for each one of us to just grasp on. To take it and run.

I know I've been running from Him for a couple of months. To tell you the truth, that action was never complete. Everytime I stood on my two feet and got ready to sprint for it, He always stood right in front of me. Even when I was down right rebelling...His voice was always in the back of my mind, my heart, my soul. To this day, He hasn't ceased to do that. I don't care if I'm not perfect and I'm not doing everything right. Judge me, I don't care anymore. Think of me as weak, I don't care. Think of me as foolish! I don't care!!! Bc the moment I look up at Him and ask Him what He thinks of me, all I get is "beauty!" You see, He still sees me as lovely as He ever did in all the years I've been with Him. No mess I put myslef into will ever EVER change that. So go ahead, all you discouraging voices, go ahead and lose hope in me and judge me. Say I'm not a "good christian," talk about what you don't like about me...I really don't care.

All things are going to work out fine in the end. I have faith in this. I have faith in Him.! I'm slowly but surely getting my act together, and He's giving me hope. And this is what He does for every person. He wants each person to prosper. He thinks these great things of every child of His. It's not only me, it's all people. He sees more to them than we will ever see. He knows more of them than you or I will ever know. So please don't act like you're so righteous above all others. People don't think you have a right to judge anyone, bc YOU DON'T. He's the only righteous Judge there will ever be! Let HIM deal with each one of us...it isn't your place.

I want to fully know what the Love of God is. What it feels like to be so full of love that it changes the way my mind thinks. That it makes me love the people around me so much. That it makes me see more in people...potential in people, instead of judging them for their mistakes.

This is a desire of my heart.