Cloudy days

Man yesterday was a weird day. I was on the brink of feeling depressed and actually going through with it. I haven't really been able to feel much the past few months. I think I purposely let my heart get cold/hard. But somehow, the last few days I've been able to feel again. It's good, but on my way to work yestereday I almost had a panic attack. It was as if all the past months flashed before my eyes and I was so overwhelmed with myself. I don't know who I've become or why I've become this person. In that moment I was regretting several things I've done that lacked so much dignity and integrity that I once had. I miss that girl who held her spirits high and was confidant in herself. Just realizing how people have the ability to throw you down and take it from you sucks. I want to get back to that place where I am Amerika again. The amerika that believed she was so awesome and great. It was such a good feeling. lol.

Anyways...luis hungout with me last night and that really helped me snap out of the depressing state I wanted to sink into. I always have so much fun with him. We sat in the "wild woods" and just talked. I'm not sure I've had that much fun just talking with someone in a long time. We were there from 7:00-11:30 last night. haha Learning about people is so interesting. Luis thinks I'm hilarious/weird but it's funny. He was being so silly last night (he kept yelling "I feel so siiiillly!!" lol). I was getting a kick out of him. We talked about God. That's always great. We're kinda on the same page as far as that goes, and it's actually kind of comforting. God is good. Even if I never say it or act upon it, He is always good. :)

Good day :)