confusion fusion

I wonder when my time is coming. Is there really a time that I'm waiting on, or do I have the ability to take things into my own hands. I think I'm pretty sure I know the answer to these questions that wonder my brain. I'm starting to be ok with waiting. I'm starting to lose interest in love and the thoughts of lonliness are settling in comfortably. The strangest part is that I'm not completely or physically alone, yet it feels like it. My heart is so unsure of what it wants, but as the days pass by, it's a little more sure than the day before. Funny that this all sounds so contradicting, but that's my mind for ya. It might just be that each day I'm realizing that what I at some points want, isn't really what I want. It's perhaps just the idea of it rather than IT itself.

But then again, I can still hear a voice in the back of my mind that tells me I need to stop being so picky. That maybe the reason I find so many faults in everyone that comes around is because I'm subconsciously wanting to push them all away. hmmm..idk anymore. I'm a screwed up girl that people have thrown around as they wished for years. I'm afraid of the one thing I want most at this point in my life, and I'm looking for someone to blame. For now, I guess I can blame myself.

There are so many beautiful faces around me and I can't seem to make up my mind. My heart pulls in almost 4 directions, and I don't know what I want. Is this just part of growing up?

silly erika, trix are for kids.