Revelation #548435482 :)

I forgive you.

I finally realized last night that peices of me still hadn't forgiven you.

Ya see, God made me understand something that I guess I just wasn't seeing before...

For some, this revelation might be obvious, but for me...it was something that set me free.

We were all looking for the same thing. I'm not sure I can explain that too much here, but that's what He revealed to me.

I couldn't understand that.
& we all, at least at one point in our lives...look for that in other places. I'm sorry that I did...and did for a while. I wanted something that I was born to want...it's just that it was destined to be filled by something more real. My first Love. My True Love.

I guess you can say it is both a strength and a weakness.
But He told me that I finally found it. I finally felt what I couldn't and didn't want to feel before.

Fear is a rotten thing....but it happens.
I was afraid of letting Him give certain things to me because I never had them. Imitation love will never be enough. I thought maybe I knew what that was, but when He shows it to you...it's something you never want to let go of. I found it, and I'm keeping it. It's mine. :)

One of my best friends told me a story last week that made me picture myself.
I was like a baby in her Dad's arms...who would never rest...always kicking and screaming when He wanted to hold me. I wasn't used to Love...and I fought Him for so long. I kicked...I screamed...I put up the best fight I could. But you see, I would NEVER win. Ever. So...eventually...after that, every time He held me, I was calm. I embraced the fact that He was going to love the heck out of me no matter how much I screamed and kicked.

I wish I could physically feel His arms around me. I layed in bed last night and believed that He was doing that. It felt so awesome to be loved by Him. & that's when I felt the freedom. That was the moment I knew in my heart...the fight was over.

& then I realized.......I FORGIVE YOU.
bc...we were both looking for the same thing.
& I pray that you find it too.
Even though I once told you that I gave up on you ever changing (that was wrong of me =/ ), you are still in my prayers. I hope you get the chance to feel what I felt....please just open your eyes.

<3,

me.