Stupid dreams

I woke up this morning in the middle of a dream.
My mom actually woke me up while I was dreaming. Grrrr.
I was upset because she woke me up but also because maybe if I had slept completely through the dream...i would have had a harder time remembering it later on.

I hate stupid dreams. I hate hate hate them. I prayed about it as soon as I woke up...asked God to make me forget it. =/
Since then...I've been in a pissy mood. I don't feel like talking to anyone or seeing anyone or anything.
People want to talk...I just want to ignore.

BTW..I'm at the public library in harlingen...it's becoming my new escape. Privacy doesn't exist at my house...so better around strangers than familiar faces.
I've been thinking a lot about how things were when I wasn't living at home.
I was a happier person then, but now...all i feel is like someone I don't really know.
I'm very quiet these days. Keep to myself a lot. & have even noticed that I talk to myself.
Am I going crazy? BC i sure feel like i am.

I watched Pride & Prejudice last night. I freakin love that movie & I've concluded that it's my favorite. :)
except...after watching it I wanted to be in love. Not so sure that was a good idea afterall. =/
I want to meet someone already. I want to move out of my house. I NEED to move out of my house. Those people are beginning to drive me crazy. I just want to live my life with someone soon. Not so sure anymore if the valley even has anyone worth considering. I don't see anyone even worth wasting my time on. lol I don't mean to be so negative...it's just....the truth i guess. My chances of moving somewhere else have been looking slim. I think this is where all this stupid thinking started. I feel like I have no hope if I stay where I'm at. & I don't like feeling hopeless. I do believe that I have a great future ahead of me...but I think I'm just so frustrated that my future is not now. I'm frustrated in the present & mad at my future for not being here. Too bad they're not ppl bc then I'd have to give them a peice of my mind. =p
If I had money and a car...I'd be gone already. So hopefully both of those get here fast...so I can just go.

In that book i've been reading, I realized that love usually stirs up between people who have things in common. Is that why it's so hard to love my family? Bc we have NOTHING but blood in common? I find that there's nothing to say to them. I have nothing to share with them. & when I do, they don't seem to care one bit. They seem so uninterested in anything I have to say. So getting excited about something new seems pointless. They just stare at me like they have no idea what i'm talking about. ugh. I hate this. =[

There is a lake next to the library...I think I'm going to go sit by it and just talk with God. He's the only one who understands my emotions. Maybe He'll give me some insight. He knows I need it. =/

(Please don't comment me trying to tell me everything is going to be ok or things will get better. I'll just be more annoyed. I didn't write this to get feedback. Just to vent on every emotion that I have no one to tell. )--thanks.