Painted Red

Affection.

It's the darndest thing.
C.S Lewis says anyone/everyone can have it.
Both the attractive & unattractive people.
I think that's great.

But what happens when someone grows up without it?
That's been on my mind a lot recently.
When someone is neglected as a child and is shown practically none at all, if any affection?
I have my conclusions...
They become affectionate retards. haha
I'm being serious though...they learn to not like it.
It becomes annoying when someone you don't want to receive it from...gives it.

I've been in this situation where I realized that I have a hard time showing love to people.
I don't like for people to hug me or cuddle with me...and if I do allow them to...it's because I love them back, and because I probably waited a long time to feel comfortable.
I have to trust that they are going to love me back...affectionately. & not reject me.
(so when I want to love on you...I really mean it. it takes a lot coming from me)

I feel bad that it has become so hard to let people in sometimes.
But while realizing this issue that I have, I've also realized that I totally let God in. I don't have a problem letting Him love on me. (at least not anymore) So maybe this whole affection thing isn't that bad afterall.
I don't feel bad anymore for something I never had...because in all reality...I've had it the whole time. It has just been invisible so to speak. I might not be able to see or physically feel Him, but He lets me know when He's loving on me. I'm pretty blessed. I have the one Love that really matters, so I'm ok.

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Life is so peculiar, I think.
I'm realizing that people will come and go in your life, but it's what you make of life that really matters. If I can handle people in big parts of my life coming and leaving (my dad) then I can sure as heck handle anyone else leaving too.
Life gets complicated sometimes...but it's how we handle it and look at it that makes all the difference.
Yesterday I had mixed emotions.
Part of me felt bad for how things went down, but another part of me wanted to get offended.
Well...I'm not going to do either. Both take so much energy that I can save for the real sticky situations in life. I know who I am & what's in my heart. & best of all...so does God.
So let's keep living, shall we?

:)




[also, if you read this blog, can you please leave me the email address that you use for your blog? Just put it in the comment box...I'll explain later. :) thanks!]