Life

I've been so bogged down lately. I had a depressed day a couple of days ago. I woke up feeling very unhappy. I want my life to be what I had always dreamed it to be. I don't mind being a teacher...that's not the issue. It's where I work! I would absolutely love to be able to actually teach. At my school...my days are mostly babysitting days. It's sad and unfortunate but very much reality for me right now. I'm trying to deal with it all, but some days are just so damn hard! Don't be mistaken, I completely LOVE my students. They are all individuals...each one of them is so different but special in their own way. I wish I could dedicate more attention to them tho....they are starved of it. Most of my students are growing up in a world that did not welcome them with open arms. They are living lives of corruptness and crime. I've talked to a lot of them about this...they've shared their stories. Many of times I've cried at home bc of it....wouldnt be strong of me to show that emotion when they tell me their stories. I have to be strong. I have to! If I'm not strong for them, and everyone around them is yelling and putting them down, where are they to go? Who will listen? From what I hear...it's absolutely no one. Some of my best students are the worst trouble makers on campus. Poke at them and yell...they will not listen. I don't think it was a mistake taking this job. I don't regret it one day. It's just a lot to handle and deal with. Sometimes I feel 10 years older than I really am...I have to snap back to reality tho.

David, my love, is the best thing I have going for me right now. I love him so much, it's insane. I have so much passion for this guy! He's truly the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. We hardly put any effort into this relationship, and it works so amazingly. Odd. I want to be with him forever. It's been over 6 months now, yet it feels like years! I love how he loves me. <3

SO....you see, there are no true regrets for how my life is turning out. I just have to appreciate the things around me. I hope my kiddos remember me when they are older. I hope they remember the advice and the wisdom I share with them. I hope David will be by my side then too.

You are strong erika....believe it. <3