words.

My words are scrambled pieces of my thoughts that never shut off.
So...I'm choosing to express them.

In 10 days...it will be 1 year. I wish that day was only the memory of the day that God so wonderfully created one of my bff's...bon. lol. Unfortunately...it's not the only thing i remember it for.

It's hard to digest the words I heard that day. It was as if my whole world got thrown up in the sky but only to soon be smashed back down to earth. A little dramatic? perhaps. but the best way to describe my emotions at that time.

I was made promises that are rotting in hell. Promises that were never seen. Lies that are worth shit. To be honest. :)


I'm 22 and will be 23 in 10 months. lol. It's funny how you plan out your life so naively and then years later see how sometimes it just doesn't work out like that. I thought about it....and realized that about this time...I 'should' have already moved to galveston for med school. Actually, the plan was to move somewhere between galveston and houston, for the sake of both our transportations. We would wait to have kids until after I finished med school. haha. what a joke. Did I honestly think that was going to work out?? Sad part is that I did actually. I fell for it. Planning your life with someone else is a very scary thing. You see...now they are no where to be found. At least for me that's the case. I've all of a sudden become invisible. I've lost existence in their eyes.

So now I'm here thinking about all the things what 'were' going to happen in my life. & I'm starting to realize that God totally spared me on this one. He knows what he has for me....unlike me. I can't regret things anymore because God seemed to have had a better plan. If things were going like 'we' planned, I would have already been married. That's a pretty insane thing for me to understand, because I know I'm not quite ready for that step in my life. Not only that, God has proven to me who is real in this life and who definitely is not. Sometimes you think you know someone so well....but life proves you so wrong. Or...maybe it's just them that proves you so wrong.

I had a friend recently who told me something really interesting.
He said...
"Erika, I'm glad that God has not allowed you to be with someone who isn't good enough for you. I'm glad you're not with those people because God knows you deserve someone who loves you and cares for you and who isn't a jerk to you."

I was like...wow, someone really thinks that? When the question should have been...why can't I think that?


I don't want to think about these things anymore. But seeing how different this person is than I initially thought...makes it so much easier for me to forget. I'm glad that God took me out of that relationship and is making me wait. My future seems so much brighter than my past. So....I'm going to be patient and just accept that things are the way they are.

I'm in love with God...and He's pretty much all I need right now anyway.


Also, I'm moving back to harlingen in like 4 days. !!!! That should be a really good thing for me too. It will allow me to get the things that hurt me to see...out of my face. If I really want to move on...I think this could be a good thing for me. People won't see much of me anymore....unless they catch me accidentally, but I'm pretty much gone from brownsville soon. I graduate in december (praise GOd!!) and I'm moving up to san antonio in 4 months. I'm sooooo excited!! I'm ready to meet new people....just start new. I'm liking the idea of going to a new city where no one knows me. My bestests are hopefully going with me. I need them. haha & I think this could be a good thing for all of us. Everyone needs to move out of the valley at least once in their life. THis is our ticket out. :)