right

This day started out pretty good.

then it just went downhill

This day effin sucked.

=/

Grr....I'm sick of this already.

Chaos in brownsville

I've been wanting to blog all day, but I haven't had a chance.

Ok...so....yesterday was an interesting day. Bon and I went out on a 5 hour adventure. It was uber fun. We shopped until we dropped. Literally. haha.

We ended the shopping adventure with some nice cold raspas. or "shaved ice" as us harlingen people call them. =p

It was the stand that's on the corner of 802 and central. As we were standing outside, we witnessed a car crash. It sucked. The airbag in one car went off and his whole hood dented up. Sucks.

Then...later that night we went to the beach. Bon, Irma and I went on another adventure. On the way there we stopped at the cornerstore to put gas and buy munchies. It was like 12:30ish. As we were wondering through the store, I saw this man go to the back. He got 2 huge 20 packs of beer and began walking to the front. I thought "poor guy, doesn't he know that it's past 12? He can't buy beer anymore." Then he kept walking and went straight through the doors. I looked at the cashier and was like...um....."did he pay for that?" haha. The dude jumped over the counter and started chasing after him.

Yeah...so pretty much we witnessed a crash and a beer run all in one day. haha
It sure is interesting living in brownsville. As gay as this town is.
Good thing I'm leaving soon :)

Fruit rollups

I'm sitting here watching a movie with sylvia and bon :) with rollers all up in my hair.
We're watching saw...the first one. I like these movies...they're so mysterious. Make you think more than you want to.
Anyways...wanted to say that today I had one of those days that I re-realized that I'm aging.
As silly as that might sound...I just can't get over how fast the years go by. I'm 22.
So when do i start growing up? I want to be a "grown up" already but I don't want to at the same time. I'd like to start life already...things seem less complicated once life is setting in on you. Job, marriage, kids...you know, the whole sha-bang.
Morris said the other day he wants to stay my friend bc I'm going to be a doctor. Thanks morris....that's a real friend. =p

I'm kinda wondering what I'm going to be saying once I'm 35....40...and so on. Thinking of that age sounds kinda gross...but i'm sure i'll be happy. :)


~The End~

DOG

Sylvia, morris and I had another hangout day last night.
We spent 4 hours at startbucks.
Morris got banged 3 times. (total inside joke...promise. ) lol
We had a cigarette city...nice.

We talked about old times. We all used to be so close.
Sylvia, bon, erika, morris, omar, rudy (sometimes), herby.....and some occasional joiners.
We used to have a lot of fun.
So, last night we asked why things changed.....why weren't we our original "clique"
I guess it's because things got so complicated. Everyone fell in love with someone who didn't love the other person back. It's pretty funny if you think about it. Such a complicated group we were. But we were a really a cool group of kids.
We've had slumber parties, gone off roading when this gaytown flooded, had several movie nights, had game nights.
I remember this one time that sylvia, morris, omar and I had a "fancy dinner night." That was fun. We got all dressed up and went to olive garden in harlingen. I complained that the salad didn't have croûtons, so the waiter gave me a whole bowl FULL of them. haha. that was funny.
I wish things could go back to how they were....at least for one day. It would be nice to have the gang back together again. But I guess the memories are good enough.


Anywaysssssssssssssss......I came home that night after starbucks (sorry...i got a bit off track with my story.)
I got home and made a new friend. I called him timmy. He was a "zoe," or a miniature schnauzer mixed with poodle or something. He was the cutest thing. I sat on the stairs for like 10 minutes with him and we just talked. haha. jk.
I went and got bon...introduced them too. She liked him. :)

But then as we were sitting together, he just got up and ran away. I called him back but he didn't come. =(
I guess that's the story of my life. lol
Another "dog"....leaving me.

Boxed up memories.

This is the week.
This is the week that I'm finally moving out of brownsville.
I've been here for over 4 years...and I think that was enough.
I'm so glad I came here though. This is the place I'll always remember that I truly found God. I was a 17 year old girl who was broken/tired/alone/lost/desperate. I'm leaving here....hardly any of those. :)

Packing is such a drag. I've been going through box after box after box of crap that hoarders like me keep. :) Throwing away tons of things I shouldn't keep, I'm finding little mementos of the years spent here. Some memories are quite funny. Some quite sad. But nonetheless, they are little moments that I've been granted. I met some of my best friends here. They are absolutely the greatest people everrrr in life. lol. seriously. Back off, they're mine. ;) (jk...or am i? haha)

I decided to write a handful of memories that have released themselves over the past couple of days....

1. I found a paper that said " I <3 Amerika (+ Y-vone)"
It was made by my friend morris that night that him, bon and I decided to spend hours outside of IHOP. We got to see the sunrise and just talked and listened to music. Morris fell asleep in the backseat. He snored. quite loudly if I might add. haha. Bon and I were trying to figure out how to wake him up so we could leave. haha.

2. I found a sheet of paper that said..."rudy marks family tree"
it was a diagram of rudy's family line. lol. That was the day rudy spent one of his days doing his horrible spanish homework in my apartment that was on campus. He was one of my bestfriends....it's strange how things change over time. But he did make an impression in our lives. :)

3. I found a paper of a drawing that had a stick figure of a guy. He was very hairy from the face...and it said rudy on top. lol. That was the day sarah marks and I spent the day together. Her parents were out of town and I wanted to hangout w/her. We watched ratatouille and then came to my apt and laid on the floor and colored pictures. Entertaining kids is kind of a challenge. lol.

4. I found pictures of my black & white party. I must've been pretty brave for pulling that off. It was the first party I had ever organized myself. haha. It was a pretty cool night. Tons of ppl came and we were all dressed up. That's a nice memory.

5. I found elmo. haha. It was the elmo that was on omar's 19th bday cake. You see, he's not just any elmo. His left hand is burnt off. Black as black. I'm still not sure who did this (might have been my own absent minded self) but they lit the candles around elmo and then we all walked away from the kitchen. The few hours before it was fourth of july....so I think we heard fireworks and took off to the balcony to see. Yeah....poor elmo caught on fire...and now he's one-handed. Poor guy. :) Omar appreciated it. I think. It was a surprise. We pulled that off pretty well. ha

6. I'm not sure if anyone else has these, but I have this thing that if I wear clothes on very memorable days, I tend to relate those clothes to the memory itself. Yeah, well, I found a pair of pants that I haven't seen/worn in a while. Those are the pants that I accidentally left at omar's house during spring break 99. yeah. His mom found them in his bathroom. eek. Kinda funny, but spring break 99 was a blast. Sylvia and I came to appreciate the fact that we didn't live with strange boys...even more during that time. lol. They are funny though. That's when syl came up with her idea to move into a co-ed house/duplex. These were the guys we always thought we'd be around. Circumstances have changed...and we each have grown a little apart. Some more than others. But I guess that's life. :)

7. I could go on and on...but I going to share one of the last memories I've had at one of my apartments. It happened 2 nights ago. Sylvia, Bon and I went out on my balcony to talk. We got stuck out there. The door latch fell over and locked us out. You can read bon's blog to hear all the hilarious details.



Overall I guess the past 4 years have been pretty cool. I've learned a lot about life. Made tons of friends, lost some friends. Allowed God to change me, heal me, transform me and just teach me lot. Fell in love. Fell out of love. Had my heart broken a couple of times. But all in all, I think it was all worth it. I always thought I'd do some things over, but i guess i'm pretty satisfied how things worked out. Praise God for God. :)
I'm ready to move to SA. It's going to be pretty awesome, bc now I can look forward to making NEW memories. I'll hopefully still have my 2 best friends w/me....but we're looking forward to a whole new set of adventures.

Goodbye college years....Hello adult years. =D (college years continued for sylvester though. lol)



P.S sylvia just reminded me that during one of my moving trips to different apartments, my 300 dollar fat saks (huge bean bags) flew off the back of my truck ON the expressway!!! &&& not only that, some freakin brownsvillian or mexican picked them up off the road!!!
Thanks for the memory sylvia! :)

words.

My words are scrambled pieces of my thoughts that never shut off.
So...I'm choosing to express them.

In 10 days...it will be 1 year. I wish that day was only the memory of the day that God so wonderfully created one of my bff's...bon. lol. Unfortunately...it's not the only thing i remember it for.

It's hard to digest the words I heard that day. It was as if my whole world got thrown up in the sky but only to soon be smashed back down to earth. A little dramatic? perhaps. but the best way to describe my emotions at that time.

I was made promises that are rotting in hell. Promises that were never seen. Lies that are worth shit. To be honest. :)


I'm 22 and will be 23 in 10 months. lol. It's funny how you plan out your life so naively and then years later see how sometimes it just doesn't work out like that. I thought about it....and realized that about this time...I 'should' have already moved to galveston for med school. Actually, the plan was to move somewhere between galveston and houston, for the sake of both our transportations. We would wait to have kids until after I finished med school. haha. what a joke. Did I honestly think that was going to work out?? Sad part is that I did actually. I fell for it. Planning your life with someone else is a very scary thing. You see...now they are no where to be found. At least for me that's the case. I've all of a sudden become invisible. I've lost existence in their eyes.

So now I'm here thinking about all the things what 'were' going to happen in my life. & I'm starting to realize that God totally spared me on this one. He knows what he has for me....unlike me. I can't regret things anymore because God seemed to have had a better plan. If things were going like 'we' planned, I would have already been married. That's a pretty insane thing for me to understand, because I know I'm not quite ready for that step in my life. Not only that, God has proven to me who is real in this life and who definitely is not. Sometimes you think you know someone so well....but life proves you so wrong. Or...maybe it's just them that proves you so wrong.

I had a friend recently who told me something really interesting.
He said...
"Erika, I'm glad that God has not allowed you to be with someone who isn't good enough for you. I'm glad you're not with those people because God knows you deserve someone who loves you and cares for you and who isn't a jerk to you."

I was like...wow, someone really thinks that? When the question should have been...why can't I think that?


I don't want to think about these things anymore. But seeing how different this person is than I initially thought...makes it so much easier for me to forget. I'm glad that God took me out of that relationship and is making me wait. My future seems so much brighter than my past. So....I'm going to be patient and just accept that things are the way they are.

I'm in love with God...and He's pretty much all I need right now anyway.


Also, I'm moving back to harlingen in like 4 days. !!!! That should be a really good thing for me too. It will allow me to get the things that hurt me to see...out of my face. If I really want to move on...I think this could be a good thing for me. People won't see much of me anymore....unless they catch me accidentally, but I'm pretty much gone from brownsville soon. I graduate in december (praise GOd!!) and I'm moving up to san antonio in 4 months. I'm sooooo excited!! I'm ready to meet new people....just start new. I'm liking the idea of going to a new city where no one knows me. My bestests are hopefully going with me. I need them. haha & I think this could be a good thing for all of us. Everyone needs to move out of the valley at least once in their life. THis is our ticket out. :)

Tattoos

I sit in my beyond boring tutor training session.
It's the last session...and I only have like 45 minutes to go...
I honestly didn't think i'd even make it that long....starting thinking it WAS possible to die from boredom.

But alas, someone saved the day. ...

So a bunch of us were talking about tattoos. There was this really talkative red head girl who had like 6 tats, so I started asking her about them. She's not your typical red head...it was REd...like bleached then dyed bright red. Her whole head. As if that wasn't enough to keep your attn on her, she always had something to say. It was kinda funny actually. Except a few times I wanted to reach across the table and smack her across the head. I though maybe those batteries that run her lips would get knocked out. haha. (I had to keep reminding myself that Jesus loved her lol )

Anyways, so there was this other girl in our conversation...she was this half cuban cute little cartoon looking girl. She was really nice. Seemed a little innocent too....as my story is soon to prove. So this one starts talking about how she wants to get a tattoo too, but she has this thing where she cannot consistently like something for long periods of time. SO, she was afraid she'd get a tat, and then dislike it in a couple of months.
Then this 55 year old soon to be tutor buds in and tells her...."make sure you don't get a tattoo of a boy's name, cuz then you'll have to consistently like him"
HA! at this point...i was like...omgosh....how could i possibly think this is boring. lol
So, so continues her story and then begins to tell us that she thought of maybe getting one of her dad's name. Apparently, he passed away years ago. I felt kinda bad when she said that....and then felt bad later for laughing at the conclusion of her comment. She said.."maybe getting the whole name is a bit much, so I was thinking i'd just get his initials instead. I want them very small...each letter....F.....A.....G."

!!!!!! I wanted to ask if she was serious. But then i thought...'no erika...of course she's serious, look at her face'. She seemed to be serious. I wanted to to laugh sooooo hard. F.A.G. can you imagine getting that tattooed on your body to last forever! You'd be branded as a fag. hahaha. crazy stuff.

I guess tutor training can be fun....if you have the right people. :)

Apples, bananas and starburst.

It's been a while since I've written to the imaginary people who read this lame excuse for a blog. :)
I felt the urge to...so here I am.
Actually, I've been having several urges recently. Some are odd. I did one tonight. Felt good. I didn't feel bad either. It wasn't wrong, but it's just something I don't usually do.
I'm planning on doing again....don't really care what anyone says.

This week i've been feeling very free.
I don't know how to explain this sense of freedom, but I really like it.
I feel like a spirit of religion fell off of me. I wasn't even aware that it was there...but I guess so. It wasn't too bad, but still kept me with boundaries. I like being free. It feels good.



I don't even think this blog has a point. I just felt like rambling. ....


I got this new sense of confidence recently. Praise God. It feels pretty cool.
I think I tired of caring what everyone thinks. They can go suck lemons if they don't like me or things I do. God loves me, and I feel confident in Him. I've been walking around with my head higher than usual.
I had started feeling insecure about a past relationship....thinking/questioning/regretting a lot. BUT...I sat down and looked at the situation for what it was. I'm actually not missing out on anything. I'm so much different than them....and i think that's a good thing. If settling is what people want...then let them. I deserve so much better. & what I thought i wanted once in life....doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon. So, I've given up on it. I want God to take control of my life....it's what He promised, so trusting Him seems the best thing to do.




I noticed today that Bon is one of the few people that I be with for hours after hours, and we always have something to talk about. I like it. It's unusual. She never bores me, and she gives "the world's best back massages ever." or so she says ;)
i like her...shhhh. don't tell her =p



Sylvia Bon and I leave for IHOP in like 21 days! That's something to be most definitely stoked about. & I am. After that, all I have left is like 4 months.
Then I graduate...and move out of this insanely insane town. The people here are so weird. I don't belong.
I think my next stop is San Antonio. yeah. sounds good.
It could be nice to meet new people.
Nice to start new...again.
I need it.
Too many things i need to leave behind here....and I can't wait.



Ok. Goodnight. I should sleep. :)